I turned 34 this month. The last couple of years have been a whirlwind – my son being born, then 6 months later a global pandemic, then being promoted into a role where I’ve been responsible for more people and money than I thought I was ready for.

I am a constant “google-r” and fatherhood & leadership generate more questions than answers so my thumbs have been busy these past ~4 years. One thing that has really helped me build a foundation of mental stability and confidence has been thinking about and refining my principles.

Prior to 2021, I simply went through the motions of work and life. At work, I knew what was expected of me so I did just that. In life, I knew by a certain age I should own a home, a car, and have a non-empty savings account. That was it. Do your job, live your life, wake up and repeat. But when I was thrust into my Senior Director role, it was the first time I ever felt like it was on me to write the rules & develop a game plan.

I started reading – a lot. A former manager recommended that I read up on Kobe Bryant and the idea of self actualization. The latter felt a bit “out there” (ironic considering the nature of this post) but I liked basketball and knew that Kobe was an elite performer & perfectionist so I picked up his biography.

What followed was a multi-year journey of me beginning to live a life of intention. Learning about how meticulous Kobe’s preparation was and the fire & hunger that burned deep inside him, his pursuit for greatness inspired me. It dawned on me that in order to be great, you had to study greatness.

Since then, I’ve filled four bookshelves with biographies, books on philosophy & spirituality, tycoons and top-performers, and anything else that piques my interest or offers the promise of helping me on my journey of personal development. I’ve started journaling and practicing mindfulness (breathing exercises have been essential in being a more patient & less-stressed parent). I subscribe to countless newsletters and follow “thought leaders” on X/Twitter. I’ve gone all in.

So where has it led me? I like to think that I’m becoming a better version of myself everyday but sometimes it does feel like I’m just hoarding hacks, frameworks, and videos of entrepreneurs preaching the efficacy of ice baths. That said, I do feel good about the noise-to-signal ratio and some of the things I’ve learned on this journey will likely serve me for the rest of my life. Which brings me to my principles.

Over lunch breaks and in between workout sets & any other time I’ve been left alone to think, I’ve been chipping away at a set of values and philosophies that have helped me move from mindlessly going through the motions to living a life that I feel like the author of. I hope that I can serve as a living example of these for my son but I also like the idea of him maybe stumbling across this in 10-20 years and it helping him in some way. Here they are:

Adopt An Abundance Mindset: Life is not a zero-sum game. When you live your life in a state of “enough,” gratitude & optimism are unlocked and things like jealousy & greed melt away.

Be Here Now: Nothing is more draining than trying to be two places at once. Practicing mindfulness & being fully present with the task at hand is a remarkable tool in freeing yourself from anxiety & bringing your best self to every moment.

Chase Your Curiosity: I used to think that learning was something you had to do, a means to an end. Read the book so you can pass the test, even if the subject matter bores you. My world completely opened up when I dropped that assumption and started diving down rabbit holes of things that fascinated me. When I recently got back into golf, I started taking notes, recording my swing, and devouring literature on strategy & skill development. Sure enough, my scores quickly improved. It was fun. If something intrigues you, go all in. You’ll likely surprise yourself how much better of a student you are when you’re passionate about the coursework.

Chart Your Course: Momentum is an elixir for success and the best way to generate it is to set clear, ambitious goals and track your progress. You can protect yourself from aimlessness by defining your north star and knowing where you are on the path to reach it. When in doubt, take a small step towards a big goal.

Learn To Love The Process: Process > Results. If you’re more focused on the output than the input, you’re bound to be disappointed. But when you’re passionate about the work, sharpening the sword, then winning often happens by default. Those who are driven to learn, iterate, and keep at it rarely fail.

Strive For Greatness 1% At A Time: It’s easy to forget that success doesn’t happen overnight. Many of the people we lionize spent countless years running into obstacles and being told “no.” The secret is steadily improving and giving yourself the space & time to do so; Great castles are built one pebble at a time.

Think In Long-Term Timeframes: Instant gratification is one of the most dangerous addictions in the world. Worse, it trains us for letdowns when we put the work in and don’t see immediate results. Widen your aperture. The real battle is you vs. you a year ago, or even five years ago. Meditate on how far you’ve come over several months/years and remind yourself it’ll likely take just as long to get to the next level.

Model Compassion: There are probably less than 3 people who know every single thing there is to know about you – maybe no one does. Your history, your pain; Walt Whitman said, “I contain multitudes.” So how can we presume to truly know anything about anyone? I think about this often and as outrageous as it sounds, use it as motivation to practice the value of loving everyone. I don’t try and weigh who deserves it and who doesn’t – I simply try and treat every fellow human as if they were my family. It may be overly aspirational (and at times it feels self-righteous, I’m wincing as I type this) but I do honestly believe it’s the key to experiencing real love.

Kill Your Ego: I used to waste so much energy on worrying about what other people thought of me or what outcomes I was entitled to. My reaction to pretty much anything was centered on “me.” A mantra I now often repeat to myself is “you aren’t owed anything” and it changed everything. I stopped forcing my expectations onto people & situations and started simply asking “what can I learn from this?” and “what is my role in this?” By taking ownership of my feelings and being open to whatever happens, it allowed me to stop keeping score and move from self-centeredness to productive self observation.

Memento Mori (Remember That You Die): The carpe diem posters and “live today as if it’s your last” motivational speeches exist because at their core, it’s true. This is not a dress rehearsal. Who you are in this moment is who you are. You can’t put off or make plans to be a loving father, a caring husband, or a trustworthy friend because no minute, no second is guaranteed. This could all go away in an instant. So who you want to be has to be who you are – right now.

– Andrew